Dear Alice, (OPEN)

[Isabella Marie Swan !]

Dear Alice,

It's been two years. Not much has changed...

There she stood the center of the library. it wasn't unusual that she was here on a Thursday. In fact it had become a regular ritual that she was well in to. after the past few years Bella had become more of a helper to others then her self. she took a deep breath as she took off her parka off and swung it over her arm. she smiled at the old lady sitting behind the information desk.

"Back again I see. Are you here for another session?"

the lady asked as Bella picked up the pen. "Yes. is it possible to get the same room?" she smiled and looked at the lady who simply nodded and handed her the key and door hanger. Bella looked at the door hanger and read the words. they read the same, do not disturb. it was always the same and no matter how many times she read it, it was always the same. she smiled and waved bye to the lady as she walked off.

as always Bella looked out the window. it wasn't like she was looking for anything, although she was, she always was looking.

I still find my self looking for you... and him. I think I'm beginning to forget the pain, but it keeps coming back.

she took a deep breath, exhaled, and walked up the stairs.

I've been busy lately so i haven't written you in a while but i figured this should make up for it. Jacob has been busy with patrols and Angela is off doing her own thing. i think she's happy when the three of are together, i know i am. each day i have to fight with my self, telling myself that it was real, that you were real.

Bella stood in the small study room and looked out the window. an hour had passed and no one had shown up she looked at the ground as her fingers toyed with her hair. she paced from the window to the wall and back to the window. she repeated the whole thing once more and gathered up her things. she locked the door and walked back down stairs.

"Have a nice day, Bella."

Bella nodded and threw her coat around her shoulders and pulled her arms threw the sleeves. she ignored the lady and started out the door.

Alice.

Bella looked up at the gray sky and sighed. it had snowed and looked down at her hands.

I wish you would come back. i wish i could just see him once more. Then I would know that this is just a a bad dream.

she looked at the paper and folded it up and put it in her jacket pocket. she took a step forward and found her self on the cold wet ground. "Ice, wonderful." she grumbled as she tried to stand up only to fall once more. "Nnnnh!"

--- note: and no your not suppose to read the words rage italic font. ^_^ heh heh.

[Edward Cullen]

Edward walked down the iced streets to the library to reminisce. It had been two years since he had been in Forks, and he was having a hard time getting comfortable and back into his old way of life. He ran a hand through his hair that was starting to sort of glimmer with the icy snow that begun to fall. What the hell was he talking about? He knew why nothing seemed right. It was all about her, her, her. He knew that if he didn't talk to her, if he wasn't at least friends with her if she would at least take her back, then he would always feel out of place in Forks, Washington.

He stared at the concrete sidewalk while he walked, watching as his footsteps barely phased the ice. He hesitated to step down as he saw Bella Swan - speak of the devil - on the ground. No doubt she slipped on the ice like the clumsy young woman she was. Edward ran his eyes over her. She hadn't changed much since the last time he'd seen her... Just as beautiful, just as clumsy. Although, she did seem a little more... not disappointed or tired, but depressed. Immediately he could tell it was his fault. Everything bad that seemed happen to Bella - danger magnet or not - seemed to be because of him.

Before a flash of sudden regret took over and made him simply disappear before she could take much notice of him, he held out a gentle hand. "Do you need some help, Bella?"

[Isabella Marie Swan !]

Bella took a deep breath realizing she was stuck on the ground thinking how easy it would be just to stay there. That is till the cold water soaked threw to her skin. she looked up hear a farmilar sound. No a voice. a voice she desperatly needed.

"Do you need some help, Bella?"

was this a joke? had she finaly snapped. if it was a crul joke she was not laughing not was she pleased. her mind had played tricks on her befor, thinking he was real in a dangorus situation. the one that stuck out the most was her motercycle inccedent. Angela wouldn't allow her to get back on after that one. Bella looked up to see Edward plain as day. if he was real did that mean he would be staying? would, could, they be together again?

So many questions and yet she didn't want to know the answer, it would kill her to know. to find out the anwsers and then be dissapointed if they weren't the ones she wanted, would break her heart to the point where nothing would fix it. she lifted her hand finally deciding to test the mental status of brain. if he was real then she was still sane. if he wasn't then she had surely lost her self and was fully prepared to jump. Cliff diving was next on her list of dangorus things to do. Tence. Grab. Freak out.

No. Don't freak out. Bella relax. within a few seconds she was standing holding on to Edward's hand. he was real. as real as any man or woman could be. she stared at him trying her hardest not to break down in sobs and tears. "Your real.." she finally muttered. she wanted so bad to just wrap her arms around him, but that would lead to an awkward state, plus as far as she knew... He didn't want her.

[Edward Cullen]

As soon as Edward saw she was on her feet and steady, he drew away his hand, knowing he was sending off all of the wrong signals. He noticed her staring at him, and he stared back. It was too awkward - maybe he should have just left. It would have been better if Bella saw someone, anyone else from the Cullen family to announce they were back, just not him. What was he supposed to say, anyway? Bella, we're back but it's not like we did it for you so just stay the hell away from us?

The thing was, they were here because of her. Alice had a vision of her death, and he was there to stop anything like that from coming even close to happening. He glanced at the frozen sidewalk, and back to Bella, trying to avoid her eyes. "Bella..." he sighed nervously. Gazing into her eyes, he was only more irritated that he couldn't hear what she was thinking. Was she happy he was back, or infuriated? It was even hard to tell by her face. Was she emotionally dejected, or indifferent? No, she was just that good at keeping it all to herself. He tried to hide a scowl and instead tried to seem calm and firm, in control of himself and his mind.

"...How have you been?" he finished rather lamely.

Edward fidgeted, unconsciously shifting back an inch or two. He tried to ignore how she said you're real when she saw him. What had happened while he was gone? Was she going steady with one of the boys in Forks? Mike Newton, a clueless human...? A werewolf he much despised, Jacob? The latter seemed much more likely. His firm look softened. But what was 'you're real' supposed to mean, really? As unrealistic as it sounded, had she been hallucinating of him, hearing his voice when he wasn't really there?

He avoided her stare. Nonsense. He was being ridiculous. The way he left Bella two years ago, he had made it clear that he wanted nothing to do with Bella, and that she should have nothing to do with him. There would be no way she'd ever want to be with him again, and it was much, much better that way. What would he do, anyway, now that he was together with Blair? He'd only be able to hope that she truly and utterly despised him so that he wouldn't have to break her and his own heart repeatedly.



((OOC: Yes, I know going steady is such an old and never used anymore term, but he's from way back when, so I do nooot care.))

[Isabella Marie Swan !]

Bella looked at her hand and then sighed lightly. she couldn't help but let her heart hurt it was a given. she loved Edward, and would for ever. her eyes closed slowly as she thought calmly about why they were back in Forks and if they would be staying. she had a hard time imagining that she would be the reason, after all they had been gone for two freaking years. Bella winced at the time that had passed and closed her eyes.

she frowned at the way her thoughts had turned and then looked at Edward covering the look on her face with her hand. he looked slightly distracted to her as if he was in deep thought till he spoke her name. it left her on her toes as if she was reaching out to his hand once more but this time with her heart. disappointment struck when he finished by asking her how she had been doing.

that was such an unfair question, in so many ways! first off she could tell him how she had been doing, bit then she would have to ask 'do you want to know about when you first left me there in the woods.' Or. 'do you want to know when i started seeing you because i was being reckless?' second if she told him the truth he would surely die from... oh who knows what, and yes knowing fully that it is impossible for him to die is true but not improbable. suicide is an option here. she fought mentally with her self and then decided lying would be best. well not a complete lie.

"Alright I guess." she whispered but more of a louder statement then she imagined it to be. her eyes shifted away from Edward and rested on his feet. his shoes were dirty, not like him at all. she looked up at him and then smiled slightly. "How have you been?" she paused and then added "And Alice?" as an extra to seem like she wasn't just interested in him, although she was. she was completely interested in him, she wanted him. unable to control her thoughts she had to ask another question. "Is Alice in town as well or is it just you?" she looked around as it started to snow a little heavier.

[Edward Cullen]

Edward saw disappointment flash through her eyes, then irritation. Even though now he could see her emotions flare like a firework, she did an excellent job of keeping a steady voice. "How have you been? And Alice?" she asked. He smiled as best he could. They were both playing around; he knew now. They wore masks of contentment when through that you could only see a degree of emotions bordering on regret and disappointment. "Is Alice in town as well or is it just you?"

Now she made it sound like she didn't really want to see him. A slight frown on his brow, he answered, "We've all been quite well... All of the Cullens are in town." He hesitated before saying, "We're moving back to Forks, Bella."

Edward searched her eyes for some sign of emotion that would give the rest away. He ran a hand through his hair and exhaled, watching the mist of his breath evaporate. "We've brought another vegetarian family with us, too. Gill and Lyra Taylor and the rest of their family." What else should he say? Was he supposed to invite her to come to the Cullen home sometime, or simply inform her of what's happened? Should he hint on as much as possible that there was someone else?

He bit his tongue before he could get something out. There was no 'someone else.' It was only a facade that he'd have to use sooner or later if Bella still bothered with him - hopefully she wouldn't. Crossing his arms and shaking his head to get the snow out of his hair, he glared across the street at nothing in particular before he spoke again.

"Would you tell me what you've been doing the past few years?" He didn't mean for it to sound in the least bit edgy and clipped, for it to sound incredibly impatient and a little bit obnoxious. He wasn't mad at Bella, definitely not. She was so indefinitely innocent there was nothing to be angry at her for. He was furious he couldn't even stand before her without making a fool out of himself. Edward didn't know if she thought as he did, that he was acting incredibly foolish, but he did. And he couldn't stand it.

[Isabella Marie Swan !]

Bella took a deep breath and released it mostly out of relief that the cullens had moved back to Forks. that was the hilight of her day but more importantly the best news she had heard in over two years, not including the random trip she took to see her mother and phill over the past summer. she looked at him and then looked away.

"Another family, at least your not a lone." that didn't come out right. she took a deep breath and rustled the back of her hair as if a sign saying she was nervous. "Well as in more family members that is." she coughed lightly thinking how lame she was acting, if only she could man up and act on impluse. She would totally knock him down just from hugging him alone. her eyes shifted to her truck and then back to Edward's feet.

"Would you tell me what you've been doing the past few years?"

no. flashed threw her mind and then once again she found her self think about telling him something that wasn't entirely the truth. she looked up at his face promising her self that this look was the last then she would leave, all the more to avoid looking desperate or at the very least a fool. "nothing really. after graguation i started turtoring and got a job at the school as a teachers aid... other then that, nothing." she looked away. "Nothing ever happens in Forks." She started to regret the words as soon as they left her mouth. her statment wasn't always true, maybe to those who didn't know they were staring a vampire in the face, but for her...

Bella looked up once more as a flash of emotion flooded her face. her chest was hurting but not in the physical way. "Well i should be getting home, I have to make dinner for Charlie." she was running. to her it was better that way she could cry in peice if she wanted to.

[Edward Cullen]

She's nineteen now, he realized. Edward knew, of course, that she'd obviously age, but knowing that she had graduated and was a year out of high school, an adult now... He felt detached. Two years ago he knew Bella, and now she was nearly a stranger. Did she like different music, or have a new favorite color? Did she have a new hobby? Had she gained any new bad habits?

He shook himself out of his reverie and watched as Bella started to walk off. "Wait," he called to her, irritated at how pained his voice sounded. "Bella, please." He jogged behind her and grabbed her forearm, immediately letting go and holding his breath.

Edward put a hand over his face, eyes closed, and then took a breath to tell her, "Won't you tell me more?" He gazed at her features, one of the only things that didn't seem to really change much, and exhaled. He shook his head. "Never mind. I'm sorry, Bella, for bothering you."

He took a forbearing step back and kept still, calm. "It was nice seeing you again. I hope you really lived quite a boring, satisfying life as you told me." I missed you, and I will again.

[Isabella Marie Swan !]

Bella paused momentarily when he called out to her. she wanted him so much and seeing him in person only reminded her of how much she still loved him. it was painfull so painfull she almost couldn't hold her self together. her eyes looked at her arm and then at his face. well there goes that promise. she thought as she stared at him.

Nothing was satisfing about her life, nothing. she looked at the ground watching him take a step back. her heart jumped as if trying to reach out to him threw her chest, an unnerving feeling. she bit her lower lip and found her hand reaching out to him. "I tried to ride motorcycles." she choked out looking at the ground. Bella looked up at him and then looked away. this was sad just a few minutes ago she was ready to run, hide her face, and cry. she stood there and looked at him trying to embed his face back into her memory. she was terrified it wasn't working.

A few seconds passed and she looked at the snow on the ground. "Would you like to come over after dinner?" Bella looked at him as she bit her lower lip. then it hit her. I can't lose you again. "Edward, please. Or we could just talk while i make dinner." Bella was trying to get him to stay around her, she needed him. no. she wanted him. she could remember saying that she had decided to be with him for the rest of her life even if that ment she had to die, then he left. she flet betrayed. lost. and rather heart broken but if that was the price she had to pay to be him now she would pay it all over again. she looked up noticing that the snow was resting on him. she hung her head and turned to her truck pulling out her keys. the small note fell to the ground with out bella even noticing it. she realised even though she wanted him, he didn't want her... still.